Oscar E Moore

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The Fabulous Kane Sisters UPDATE!

February 23rd, 2009 by Oscar E Moore

Identical twins Nova and Lana Kane

The Fabulous Kane Sisters’ agent, Shifty Levine, recently sent out a request to all media to re-run any old articles that they may have with the fabulous sisters.  He hopes to create a media sensation before they open in their new biblical review, “Lillith – The Real First Lady.”  In the new extravaganza Lana Kane plays Adam’s seductive, first spouse Lillith and Nova Kane plays the young and virginal Eve. The roles of Adam and “The Snake” are played  by the sister’s newest, scantily clad, muscular discoveries, Titus Balzac and Holden Forwood, respectively. The show is scheduled to begin try-outs, in the near future, in lovely Bogota, New Jersey and is being produced by Whacker’s Ladies Foundations. Keep your eyes open for the exact times and dates.  It’s sure to be the hit of the theatrical season!

And so, I am running, once again, my interview with Lana Kane.

The infamous twin sisters, Lana and Nova, have become so popular that it is extremely difficult to snag an interview with them. But I persevered and was indeed fortunate to have the more outspoken Lana answer my queries…

Lana:  My sister Nova regrets she was unable to do this interview with me today. She’s having her weekly colonoscopy.

OEM: Who or what was your greatest influence?

Lana: Johnny Walker

OEM: Greatest fear?

Lana: Losing my sister… she wanders away a lot.

OEM: Greatest wish?

Lana: To meet that ice cream entrepreneur, Mr. Softee … I think I could help him.

OEM: Greatest insecurity?

Lana: My body…. I don’t want to set an unattainable standard for young girls.

OEM: What was your favorite children’s story?

Lana: Valley of the Dolls

OEM: If you could change anything about yourself what would that be?

Lana: You’ve met me, Oscar, so you know what a silly question that is.

OEM: In a word define Success

Lana: Applause

OEM: In a word define Happiness

Lana: Men

OEM: What was your worst audition? For whom? For what? Did you get the part?

Lana: The audition was for film of Cleopatra. I was auditioning for Cecil B. DeMille. The role was Cleopatra … the queen of denial. I didn’t get it. They gave the role to that hunchback, Claudette Colbert because she was willing to show here tits. I did however get to play Cleopatra a couple of years later in “You Bet Your Asp – An All Egyptian Review”

OEM: What was your biggest break?

Lana: A hairline fracture

OEM: Ultimate destination?

Lana: Uranus

OEM: Favorite food?

Lana: Beefcake

OEM: Lucky number?

Lana: 69

OEM: Lucky day?

Lana: Every morning that I wake up

OEM: Lucky charm?

Lana: My rhinestone studded handcuffs

OEM: What was the first show you ever saw?

Lana: My father getting out of the bathtub – he didn’t realize I was in the hall.

OEM: If you had a billion dollars what would you do with it?

Lana: I’d buy jewelry, wouldn’t you?

OEM: What’s the one question you are really tired being asked?

Lana: How do people tell you and your sister Nova apart?

Thank you Lana. Hope Nova feels better.

Photo credit: Robert Irwin

Here is the direct link to my original review


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