Oscar E Moore

Welcome to THE TWILIGHT ZOOM.  In this time travel panel experiment we meet its leader Mrs. Malaprop and her guests Dr. Faustus, Dr. Frankenstein, Dr. Fauci and Dr. Ruth as they discuss the merits of Restoration or its demerits per se…in…

AN

UN

CONVENTIONAL

EX

PERIMENT

A series of cubicles – that will be illuminated when that person is on the air – when not speaking they can react to what is being said.  To interrupt one must raise a hand to be acknowledged.

 

MRS.  MALAPROP

(SHE is bewigged, bewildered and be-rouged wearing contemporary sweats (out of camera range) with period costume top adorned with a fanciful hat)

I do hope that you have heard of me.  If not, you should have!

I am Mrs. Malaprop – a most linguistically confused character in Richard (Dicky to his closest and most intimate circle of friends of whom I am one) Dicky Brinsley Sheridan’s legendary 1775 reformation comedy of manners THE RIVALS – the highly touted pineapple of caustic wit and scandalous intrigue.

And since the subject matter at hand is RESTORATION (close enough) I welcome you, one and all, to our intimate affair ala ZOOM.

And no I am not the outspoken Dame Edna nor am I Hyacinth Bucket, though they have oft been mistaken for me.  And vice/versa.   Not to mention Archie Bunker who got it right!  And please, no snide remarks will be tolerated.

VOICE of DR. FAUSTUS

Forsooth!  Why doth she babble on so?  This is a ten minute production.

VOICE of DR. FRANKENSTEIN (sounding like Boris Karloff)

More like a theatrical experiment, I would bravely venture!

VOICE of DR.FAUCI

So let’s get on with the data.  And remember to social distance.  One mistake could be deadly.

MRS. MALAPROP

I have doth been anointed by my peers to moderate a panel…

VOICE of DR. FAUCI

Wait! I’m just getting started.  Wear a mask.  Maybe two.  We can’t be certain but data suggests “better safe than sorry.”

MRS. MALAPROP

As I was saying… to moderate a panel of three illustrious, infamous and some might say ill-mannered doctors from across the ages in a discourse on whether or not they want to restore or is it reform (I can never tell the difference) – what once was or move onward into that mystifying unknown space in time.  Known as THE TWILIGHT ZOOM.

They have all be sworn to tell the truth.  But what is the truth these days but a riff on a lie?  A rose by any other name kind of thing, that is.

Yet no one is a suppository of all wisdom.  And so we will hear many sides of the same story.  Where this leads us is suspect.  Whether going bach to the future or plumbing ahead into that vast unknown we will see where we are when we get there.  So without further ado…

We welcome Dr. Faustus –

(Cubicle light up.  HE is in HELL’S KITCHEN – a fire extinguisher at hand.)

DR.  FAUTUS

A Christopher “Kit” Marlowe creation am I – Lusting for a life of excessive excess, magic, Mephistopheles, misadventure and power – all from being bored out of my mind!  Che sera sera!

MRS. MALAPROP

Thank you kind Sir!  You shall have your moment to shine in your cubicle anon.

To recap.  This overly ambitious Doctor of divinity and mediocrity had his hands full dealing with the Beard of the Thames and Lucifer of all people!   Completely disgusted with science and medicine he made a deal – selling his soul to the master of Hades for twenty four years and getting a lot less than he bargained for.

DR.  FAUSTUS

Nay Madame!  I had many a good time with the Seven Deadly Sins!

MRS.  MALAPROP

Poor lost soul!   Being short-changed like that.  Not adapt at making advantageous deals, was he?

(Another cubicle lights up with flashes of light and thunderous effects.  HE is wearing a lab coat and heavy rubber gloves)

Introducing Mary Shelley’s Dr. Victor Frankenstein whose claim to infamy was recreating, rearranging and reanimating one extremely tall dead body only to have “the monster” un-create him.  ‘Twas a pity. It ‘twas.

DR.  FRANKENSTEIN

He wasn’t a monster.  He was lovable – seen in the correct context.

‘Twas all Mary’s fault.  The shrew!  What a nightmarish mind she had wrought.  She thinketh for me.  Spoketh for me.  She had ALL the answers.  She wouldn’t listen.  Nay, not to anyone.  Especially me.  Just all those horrible voices in her head that had to be released and scribbled down on parchment.

I did so want to be more compassionate.  Really I did so.  But not Mary. Monster and me could have been best bosom buddies.  We would have gotten along.  Truly.  He needed a friend.  I needed a friend.  She was JEALOUS and forbade it to happen.   I wanted to name him Ulysses, but Mary was so head strong.  Afraid that people would accuse two men of being in love.  Defile us…Curse us…

MRS. MALAPROP

(Interrupting DR.  FRANKENSTEIN)

I fear the hour grows late Victor.  Have a spot of tea and relax a bit.  We will return to you in two shakes of a ram’s tail.

And so grooving right along I have the distraught pleasure of introducing Dr. Anthony Fauci.  A scientist and immunologist that no writer could foresee.  He is real.  Not the fig leaf of some writer’s imagination.

(Another cubicle lights up.  He is wearing a COVID-19 mask with mini teddy bears)

A spry, intelligent “follow the science” kind of guy.  Seemingly ageless.  The kind of guy that so irked Dr. Faustus.

DR.  FAUCI

(lowering his mask)

Science will be the cure!  We must remain vigilant.  We…

DR.  FAUSTUS

(Shouting)

O monstrous science!

DR.  FAUCI

It works, damn it!

MRS. MALAPROP

Not yet Tony!   (HE raises his mask)

A true media slash medicine man if there ever was one!  Dr. Flip-Flop to some, Dr. Genius to others trying his best to eliminate a deadly virus or at least get the world-wide pandemic under control with a prick of a nettle.

(HE lowers his mask to speak)

DR.  FAUCI

I have been freed from the bondage of 45.  Now I can speak freely.  Back then – it seems eons ago – it was as if someone was writing dialogue for me.  One need not be a fictional character to be manipulated.  Now I am my own man.  I am alone.  I am safe.  Please be safe too – remember to wash your hands, sing Happy Birthday and keep your distance.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and, I promise you, it is not an express train approaching.  But it could be!  So beware!

MRS. MALAPROP
Thank you Tony.  Such sage advice.

And above all keep the mind alert.  Embrace change.  I myself apprehend new words every day and put them into practical misuse immediately.  Aren’t you proud of your Auntie?  We must always move forward or forever get stuck in the muck.  Now then…

Sit back.  Think of coral beaches, palm trees and piecemeal thoughts.  Turn yourself on.  “You are not there” eaves-drooping as Mr. Concrete might have intoned but you are there (pointing straight out) – at home perhaps in your jammies or better still – stark naked – sitting on your lap top or Mac or I Phone eagerly awaiting this opus to entertain you.  And so –

Welcome one and all to The Twilight Zoom.

VOICE OVER as All screens go dark

Your video presentation will resume after this short public service announcement from Dr. Ruth

(HER cubicle lights up SHE is wearing a revealing teddy)

DR.  RUTH

Naked is gut.  Sex is gut.  Porn and sex toys can help.  You better believe it!  Sex is like a natural vitamin.  So healthy.  Done properly it is OK.  Be happy!  And don’t forget bubbies – use protection and vash those magical fingers…

VOICE OVER

(Interrupting)

Now back to our experiment.

MRS. MALAPROP

Due to circumstances beyond our wildest dreams, this is not a play.  In the traditional sense of the word, that is.  Egads!  We have become an “in-your-face audio /visual transfusion.  Up close, full frontal, face forward – enlarged nostrils vying for your rapt attention.  We have been reduced to some annoying patchwork quilt of talking heads – at times un-synchronized.

These cubicles cannot and should not replace actors interacting as an ensemble on a stage – together.  Stanislavski would not approve.  I do not approve.  We must see the entire scena completa – not isolated heads supposedly speaking to one another.  Alas!  Without touching. Kissing.  Spanking?

And so, my dear panel of doctors, the question is…what matters most? A – A return to the past (a restoration – no pun intended) of well-worn traditions?  B – Moving on – forward if you will – into the unknown? or C – Staying put?

DR.  FAUCI

May I now contribute my two cents worth Mrs. Malaprop?  We must return to normalcy.  As quickly and as safely as possible. Or else run the risk of everyone making a deal with the devil.  I cite Dr. Faustus as a prime example.  Kids back to school.  Parents and lovers back into bed with one another or perhaps group therapy.  Double dating.  Touching.  Fondling.  Exchanging fluids.  We must march on…

DR.  RUTH

I agree you handsome devil you.  Such joy should once again be normal.  I salute you Dr. Fauci.  Like the turtle – in order for it to move it has to stick its neck out!

DR.  FAUSTUS

I had all that and more.  Buckets more.  What a life I doth had.  A life that I conjured up.  Thanks to Marlowe.  But at times I doth wanted to go down one path and Kit had me go down another.  Way down!  He was in charge as the playwright of course.  No matter what I thinketh, I doeth and sayeth what he thinketh and writeth.

DR.  FRANKENSTEIN

Mary was so mean.  A mean and wicked temperament hath she.  Fearless.  Wielding power with each lightening slash of her pen.  So unkind.  I would bring Ulysses back.  Restore and renew our friendship through chemistry, alchemy and electricity.  Bring him back ALIVE!!!

MRS. MALAPROP

Can we ever go back?  To change perchance what we didn’t like or want to do back then?  One fears to imagine if we all started changing and rearranging our past lives there would be chaos – UDDER CHAOS!  Not that chaos isn’t already at our throats.  What a mess!  No let’s keep it the way it was – for nostalgia’s sake.  What ho!

DR.  FAUSTUS

I cannot blame Marlowe completely.  He was a tad more helpful.  Giving me those Good Angels and Bad Angels to nudge me along.  But did I listen, what I mean is did Marlowe want me to listen?  We must LISTEN.  Then make our own decisions.  Hopefully for the best of all mankind.  That is, the correct decisions.  Remembering ALWAYS the reasons for our decisions.  Is it for POWER?  Is it for WEALTH?  Or is it out of BOREDOM?

DR.  FRANKENSTEIN

Yeees…Boredom is the bane of our existence…

DR.  FAUSTUS

(Interrupting)

May I?  (He opens a poem that he has composed)

“I speaketh words from my heavy heart

Not words chosen for me by Marlowe from the start.

Wouldst he excuse me, I wouldst depart from his text

And tarry forth not expecting what cometh next

My lost love of science is what I seek

Who perchance can help

To perchance sneak me a peak?

It is not wealth and power that filleth one’s bowl

But faith in all that is good that wouldst sootheth my hapless soul.”

MRS. MALAPROP

So much to say with so little time left to say it.  Precisely two minutes.  And so I must have the last words.  BE KIND.  Whatever your decisions be.  Be compassionate.  Be alert.  Above all – be kind.

If not Restoration.  Try elimination.  Drain the swamps of ruthless no gooders.  Inspire love.  Bring back style.  Manners.  And never be bored or boring.  And do not ever let anyone else speak for you.  Unlike those three mystic monkeys – Hear, see and speak out loud for what you stand for and believe in.  Do not turn away.  Get involved.  Be safe.  Get your shot at life!  And hope to hell it all works out for the best.

Now dearest panel – one last word from each of you…What wouldst thou restore.  One word please.

DR.  FRANKENSTEIN

Compassion.

DR.  FAUSTUS

Humility.

DR.  FAUCI

Sanity.

DR.  RUTH

Dat vun is a toughfie…How about…(Singing) R-E-S-P-E-C-T!  Yah! (ALL applaud)

MRS. MALAPROP

Forsooth M’Ladies and Gents, I might add one additional most important condiment – Civility.

And so we leave you with our final frightful thought to thinketh about – Like the inability to digesteth too many radishes “History Doth Repeat Itself” – I fear that is how it tis and tis will be forever!

And with that we respectfully bring our unconventional experiment to an inconclusive foreclosure.  Fare thee well.  Beware and be kind!  Parting is such sweet…something or other…

(ALL kinds of explosions in each cubicle occur as each screen dissolves into the darkness of The Twilight Zoom.)

LIGHTS OUT.  END OF EXPERIMENT.

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